


It be like that sometimes, again.

by Wheelies4urfeelies



Series: Stupid Shenanigans [3]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Bloodplay, F/M, Inappropriate Use of Akuma no Mi | Devil Fruit Powers, Married Couple, Minor Violence, Moral Ambiguity, Rare Pairings, Sexual Inexperience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:54:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22221394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheelies4urfeelies/pseuds/Wheelies4urfeelies
Summary: Ch.1- A predator doesn’t take the time to listen to anything it’s prey has to say when it’s about to be slaughtered. Well, most of the time.Ch.2- Her stories were quite intriguing, and Luffy couldn’t get enough of them.Ch.3- Brook was certainly the biggest pain in Nami’s ass, but there was only so much she could do about it.Ch.4- A peaceful married life was all Praline had wanted, among other things.Ch.5- They had learned to live by the saying: “It’s only wrong if you get caught.”Ch.6- His sudden spark of humanity was certainly surprising, but it definitely wasn’t enough for Cosette to trust the young prince.
Relationships: You know how it be - Relationship
Series: Stupid Shenanigans [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1346392
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	1. At Ease

**Author's Note:**

> Thought it might be fun to tweak the tea party scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really like these two together. They both have big feelings for their little siblings.

There was no doubt in her mind that the world would become a little bit better as a result of Germa’s eradication. Reiju secretly relished the thought of the kingdom finally being laid to waste, considering there was a chance her father’s sins just might be atoned for with his death, along with the ones of her brothers, and of course, her own. Though, she still felt a twinge of fear nagging at the back of her mind, and before the moments of her demise, she wished that she could be devoid of such emotions just as her siblings were. Of course she envied the privilege of not being able to fear death, but this was ultimately what she deserved; to suffer.

Because of these pesky emotions, it was no surprise that she simply couldn’t get over the idea of Sanji risking his life for the sake of this abhorrent family.

Table to table, glass after glass, nothing could take her mind off the situation. At this point it was but a silly game of how much alcohol she could use as a distraction from her impending doom. After finishing a respectable glass of cherry wine, another bottle of liquor caught her eye, and it didn’t take long before she was maneuvering her way through crowds of people to reach it. In a swift motion she made an attempt to grab the bottle, but her action was brought to a halt at the feeling of a large gloved hand enveloping her own. 

Her gaze was met with a hardened velvet stare, and she immediately retracted her hand. To her surprise, he did as well. 

“Sorry.” 

There were a multitude of things about him that had caught her attention, whether it be his staggering height, his excessive amount of leather, or the fur scarf wrapped snugly around his neck. 

“No need to apologize, you can have it.” Reiju replied, gesturing to the bottle. “I’ve had more than enough anyway.”

“You grabbed it first.” He replied, holding the bottle out to her. 

Reiju blinked a few times, clearly taken aback by his insistent behavior. He continued to wait though, bottle still held out expectantly. She shook her head, guiding his hand to the table. “Thank you kindly, but I’m fine.” 

The man immediately set it down, proceeding to cross his arms. For a moment, Reiju had thought she had somehow angered him by refusing his offer.

“Might you be kind enough to give me your name?” She asked with a smile. 

He shifted around in his spot for a moment, an action that resembled a nervous child more than anything. “Charlotte Katakuri.” 

“Apologies, I didn’t realize you were a commanding officer.” 

“No need for pleasantries.” He replied. “Soon enough we will be family.” 

“Quite unfortunate that it won’t last long, though.” Reiju sighed. 

Katakuri’s eye twitched at her subtle jab, but she held a hand in the air with a smile. 

“No need to worry, I’ve accepted my fate.” She said. 

His tense look softened, and he let out a long sigh.“I know it would be pointless trying to explain our motives.” 

“Germa’s scientific might would be quite useful, especially with no strings attached. What other motive could there possibly be?” 

“Publicity.” He replied. “Mama likes attention, especially from the WEJ.” 

“Then all of this was just some big power play?” Reiju chuckled. 

“Technically, yes.” 

Reiju glanced down at the unopened wine bottle on the table, gingerly picking it up. “Well, in my final moments before oblivion, might you grant me the kindness of a lovely talk over some wine?” 

“It seems you may have already had more than you can handle.” 

“I’d like to think when you stand at the very precipice of oblivion, another glass can only do more good than harm.” Reiju said. “Besides, having someone such as you to talk with makes it so much better.” 

~ 

Minutes seemed to be passing just a little bit slower with every word he spoke, but she didn’t mind it one bit. His voice was like the backdrop of light in a bottomless pit, and Reiju was forced to remind herself every so often that soon enough he’d be aiming the barrel of a pistol right between her eyes. Of course she was afraid, but the same man that had sparked her fear was also able to snuff it out in a manner of seconds. Reiju let her mind wander, devising a world where they had met years prior, saving each other from the burden of their families. A ridiculous notion, truly, but it was still pleasant to dream. 

He paused briefly, glancing down at her with a quirked eyebrow. 

“Are you alright?” 

She rested her head in the palm of her hand, humming softly. 

“Just wondering what it may have been like if we had met as children.” 

“I’d have to be a few decades younger for that to be even remotely possible.”

“Well, if it brings you any comfort, you don’t look a day over twenty.” 

The man let out an amused huff, leaning back in his chair. 

“You are quite the character, Vinsmoke.” 

“Touché, Charlotte.”

Cheers suddenly erupted from the surrounding crowd as the bright blue sky began to fade to absolute darkness, followed by the shrieking noises of fireworks shooting into the air. A spectrum of colors flashed in Reiju’s eyes, and she couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. She then turned back to Katakuri, who met her gaze with somber eyes. Reiju took a deep breath, raising her glass towards him with a smile.

If anything, his presence was enough to put her mind at ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m diving back into the trash heap with yet another one of these godforsaken fics.


	2. An Adventure of Our Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dumbass/Smart is one of my favorite shipping dynamics.

Countless journeys across the ocean, fueled by the thirst for adventure and treasure alike. At this point, Luffy had experienced it all and then some, but each story about a sailor and his hearty crew was more than enough to intrigue him, no matter how bland. He was a simple man, and a simple story was more than enough to appease him. Of course he’d cheer when the captain landed a successful blow against his rival, or hoot in amazement when a chest of treasure was found. And of course, the soothing voice of his crew mate telling every little detail made everything all the more enjoyable. 

Luffy glanced over at Robin from across the deck, whistling to himself happily. She was busy reading a large book that sat idly in her lap, flipping through each page every other minute. He had made a habit of nagging her to read for him, and now was no different, considering he was practically dying of boredom. The rubber man made haste as he scurried over to her, sliding across the grass until he stopped directly next to her lawn chair. She hummed peacefully, giving him a glance through her sunglasses. 

“Yes, Senchou?” 

He leaned over, resting his chin against the arm of the chair. 

“I’m bored, can you read me a story?” He asked, nudging her arm with his head. 

“Hm, that’d be the fifth time today.” She chuckled. ”I’m not so sure.” 

“C’mon Robin!” He begged, clasping his hands together. “Pleeeeease?” 

“Well, I suppose I could.” She replied. “But I’m not sure you’d find this one too interesting.”

She exposed the cover of the book and Luffy cocked his head to the side, eyes skimming over the words ‘Romance à travers l'aube’. 

“What does it mean?”

“Romance through the dawn.” She replied. 

“Well what’s it about?” 

“A captain discovering his love for the ocean and his childhood friend.” 

Luffy’s eyes lit up at the word ocean, and he immediately leaned in closer, grinning from ear to ear. Robin quirked an eyebrow in response, but Luffy continued to stare up at her expectantly. She shook her head with a smile, flipping through the pages to find a chapter that might keep him entertained. She eventually stopped at one titled: ‘The Lovers Bay’. 

Robin cleared her throat, giving her captain yet another glance. He bounced up and down impatiently, eyed still wide with anticipation. 

“The sun had long since set, but the cold night would not be enough to keep him from his beloved. He continued to traverse through the wet sand, all until spotting the lovely figure of Loucelles, who stood not too far away, staring out into the calm waves.” She read. “He called out to Loucelles, and she turned back to greet him with a wide smile and open arms. Vivers ran towards his betrothed, eventually meeting her in a warm embrace. The sounds of laughter melted into the lovely sound of the ocean as he pressed his forehead against her own, smiling widely.” 

Robin paused briefly, giving her captain a glance. To her surprise he seemed quite enthralled, still gazing up at her with wonderment in his eyes. 

“ “Where has thou been, my beloved?” Loucelles asked, caressing his cheek with the back of her hand. Vivers smile hadn’t dwindled in the slightest, in fact, it had grown even wider as he reached into the pocket of his coat, pulling out a small golden ring embedded with rubies. “Why, journeying across the seas to find the perfect ring to fit around your finger.” The man replied. “Only the best for you!” Loucelles let out a faint gasp as Vivers took her hand in his, slipping the ring around her petite finger. The man then fell to his knees, beating his chest thrice with a balled fist. “Loucelles, the oceans may be wide, but I will always be led back to you. Your smile shines brighter than the rarest of gems, and your laughter is worth ten times more than any ancient relic I have stumbled upon. May, I did not stumble upon creature such as you, but have been blessed by your presence since childhood!” ”

Robin skimmed over the rest of the paragraph, realizing the following sentences wouldn’t exactly excite her captain in a particularly adventurous way. She immediately closed the book, prompting a disappointed sigh from Luffy. 

“Why’d you stop? It was getting good!” He whined. 

“The rest is quite boring.” She lied. “Nothing you’d find too interesting, senchou.” 

He narrowed his eyes, clearly not believing her fib one bit. 

“You’re just getting tired of reading, aren’t you?” He said, leaning closer. “You can’t quit just ‘cause you don’t feel like reading anymore, y’know!”

Robin heaved a sigh, taking another glance down at the book. She was certain that he’d just be confused if she continued, too ignorant to understand the concept of sexuality or passion. After all, Luffy wasn’t exactly interesting in such things, and he was more than likely to just stare up at her in confusion despite her reading lines upon lines of explicit intercourse. 

“I could pick a different book.” She offered. 

“You need to finish this one, though.” He replied, tapping a finger against the cover. “Or else I’ll be left never knowing how it ends!” 

It was well known that when Luffy made his mind up he would not be easily deterred, and as every second ticked by, Robin was only digging herself a deeper hole by refusing to comply. 

“I thought you didn’t like boring stories.” She replied, patting him on the head. “You usually ditch out at the first hint of mundaneness.” 

“If you’re reading it, then it’s never boring.”

Robin couldn’t help but smile at his endearing comment, bringing a hand to her mouth as to hold back the upcoming laughter. Luffy then let out a huff of annoyance, continually bouncing up and down impatiently. 

“C’mon Robin, finish it!” He exclaimed. “That’s an order as your captain!” 

At this point resistance was futile, and Robin finally realized that there truly was no way to get out of this. 

“Rooobiiiiin!” Luffy whined, bumping his head against her arm repeatedly. 

Robin shook her head as she flipped through countless pages, her fingertips sliding across each word until she eventually found where she had left off.

“...In that moment Loucelles threw herself into Viver’s arms, throwing his body to the sand. He pulled her closer into a warm embrace, locking his arms firmly around the fair maiden, and in a gentle motion, Loucelles brought her supple lips to the stubbled cheek of her betrothed. The man repaid her affection with joyous laughter, burrowing his face into her neck. Loucelles let out a gasp as Vivers flipped her over into the sand, hands resting idly by the woman’s head. “Dear Loucelles, I would want nothing more than for you to bear my children. It would make me the happiest man on this earth!” He exclaimed, entwining his fingers with her own.” 

Luffy’s eager expression had long since shifted to confusion, as expected. Robin let out a sigh, making an attempt to close the book once more. However he put a stop her action, placing a hand between the pages. 

“You keep stopping at the interesting parts! At least finish the chapter!” 

She hesitantly flipped the pages back. 

“Loucelles proceeded to wrap her arms around the man’s broad shoulders, heaving a breathy sigh into his ear. “My love...excuse my crude words, but feeling your skin against my own is all I have dreamt about since your departure, and I have long since awaited to hear those blessed words from your mouth!” Vivers’ ecstatic laughter floated through the air, all until it was cut off by his lips pressing to hers.” 

Robin couldn’t help but pause again to give her captain a questionable glance, still expecting him to be thoroughly bewildered. To her surprise, though, Luffy’s expression was anything but. He leaned forward with piqued interest, almost trying to crane his neck to get a better look at the book. An unnatural occurrence to be sure, but mildly hilarious nonetheless. 

“Amidst their passionate kiss, Vivers’ hands had wandered to the hem of his lover’s dress, eventually sliding up from her ankle all the way to a tensed thigh. In turn, Loucelles’ hands began to wander across his back, nails raking across rough ski-“ 

Robin jumped slightly at the feeling of a firm grasp around her bare thigh, eventually finding herself staring straight into Luffy’s eyes that were filled less with childish wonderment, and more so frantic worry. Only once Robin felt the heat of his rapid breathing did she realize how close he had gotten, his body looming over her own like a cage.

“Don’t move, Robin...” he trailed off, unsure of the words coming from his mouth. “Uh-“ 

“Luffy?” 

The rubber man then made a shaky attempt to close the distance between them, but Robin instinctively brought a hand to his chest, gently pushing him back. In turn, Luffy climbed off of her desperately, hitting the grass below. 

Luffy slowly craned his head to meet her gaze once more, and Robin dared to make the comparison between him and a saddened puppy.

“I’m not smart.” He grumbled. 

Quite the understatement.

“What ever do you mean, senchou?” She replied, immediately setting the book down. 

“I wanna be able to do things like the stuff in your book, but I just can’t.” He sighed. “I can’t even do that kissing thing right without messing it up.”

Robin had never even thought that it would be possible for Luffy to be interested in such things, considering she had always assumed the only things on his mind were adventure and meat, but perhaps the basic desires of a man were locked away in the back of his mind after all.

“It just keeps bugging me.” He sighed, leaning against the lawn chair. “I just can’t seem to get it right.” 

“Luffy, you don’t have to be ashamed.” She replied, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“But-“ 

“Luffy.” She interjected. “Being uninformed doesn’t make you any less of a man, and it’s nothing to make a fuss over.” 

He scrunched his nose and furrowed his brows in thought, squinting up at her with an unconvinced expression. 

“Could you teach me the kissing thing?” 

She nearly choked at his reply. 

“I’m not exactly the best teacher in that department, senchou.” 

“You know how it works, though.”

“Knowing is much different than doing, Luffy.”

“I need to know.” 

“Your first kiss should be with someone special, and I wouldn’t want to steal that from you.” 

“You’re special to me though, so why not?” 

She didn’t know whether he was innocent or just plain stupid.

“It’s a different type of special.” She replied. “Not like the way you feel about your friends.” 

“I said that.” 

“You don’t feel about me that way, Luffy.” 

“Yeah, I do!” He huffed. 

Her eyes widened briefly, but she managed to stifle any surprised expression before he could notice. 

“All that stuff in your book is what I want to do with you, and I need to know the right way! You’d be the best teacher for that, right?” He replied, scooting close to rest his chin atop the lawn chair’s armrest. 

“Luffy, I-“ 

“I promise I’ll pay attention so you don’t have to do things twice.” 

Luffy then gave her his signature smile accompanied by a small giggle, which only convinced her that his innocence knew no bounds. It quickly became apparent to her that there was no chance of escaping this as Luffy shot her an impatient look. 

“Are we gonna do it now?” 

A soft sigh escaped her lips and she hesitantly gave her thighs a pat, looking down at him expectedly. 

“Sit on my lap, Luffy.” 

He jumped up and over the lawn chair, landing down atop her legs with a comical bounce. After a short moment of shifting around he then gave another innocent smile, folding his hands to rest them patiently at her navel. 

Robin brought a hand to his straw hat, removing it so gently that it seemed like she was handling a small animal. Luffy quirked an eyebrow, ghosting a hand over where the hat had been. 

“Why do I need to take my hat off?” 

“It’ll make things easier.” Robin replied with a small smile, combing her fingers through his black strands of hair.

She skimmed over the possibility in her mind that this wouldn’t exactly end in a particularly pleasant way, but most of her rational decisions were being overshadowed by her curiosity, and obtaining knowledge was something Robin had never shied away from. It was definitely strange seeing her captain put energy towards something other than food or fighting, but his efforts were sincere, and she was more than willing to grant him the information he desired.

Robin cupped his face in the palms of her hands and pulled him closer, until their faces were mere inches apart. 

“The most important part of a kiss is your pace. Depending on how you’re feeling, you may want to do it slow and steady, or very quickly.” 

He nodded enthusiastically and shifted around in her lap, as if to prepare himself for the inevitable. “Uh, what do you mean by that?” 

“You might act desperate when you have these feelings, and that could make you antsy.” 

So much for not having to repeat herself. 

“I kinda feel like that now.” His comment was confirmed once she noticed how jittery he was, bouncing up and down gently like an impatient child. “Is that bad?” 

“No, it isn’t, Luffy.” 

Slowly but surely, she brought her lips to meet his own in a cordial manner, watching his expression shift instantly. Subtly, her tongue found its way into his mouth, prompting an even more surprised reaction from the rubber man. Slowly she felt him hook his arms around her, hesitant hands roaming her back accompanied by a fit of small tremors jolting through his body. He seemed scared. 

Robin pulled away and it didn’t take long before he was eyeing her with a bashful look, an expression that she had rarely seen. The tone of his face was on the verge of forming into a beet red. 

She almost laughed. 

“Did I do it right?” 

“For the most part, yes.” She replied. “But you can also use your tongue as well.” 

“Uh, Robin?” 

“Hm?” 

Luffy shifted awkwardly atop her lap, and Robin suddenly felt a hard jab of sorts at her navel. It didn’t take her long to realize the situation, and her eyes widened slightly. “Oh.” 

“What do I do?” He shot back with wild panic. 

Surely, she wouldn’t have to teach him about this as well, right? 

“It’s ok, Luffy.” Robin reassured. “You’re just feeling aroused.” 

His look of confusion said more than enough. 

“You enjoyed what we did, and your body is showing that enjoyment physically.” 

This was mildly comedic. 

“It’s annoying.” 

She couldn’t hold back the spurt of chuckles rising in her chest, and clasped a hand over her mouth to muffle them. Luffy gave her an offended look. 

“What!” 

“Nothing, Senchou.” 

“It is something!” 

“I’ll just have to teach you a little more than I thought, is all.” 

“I’ll pay extra attention!” 

“I’m sure you will.”


	3. Humanity and Panties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tonal whiplash is my MO

She knew it was him, because who else would go to such lengths to snatch a pair of undergarments? Why, none other than a perverted skeleton with a talent for music. Vulgar, yes, but the action was more aggravating than it was disturbing. Countless pairs of panties disappearing left and right, and Nami was almost left with nothing. The cat burglar had a sneaking suspicion that he was sort of a kleptomaniac, and this assumption was further proved true by his recent habit of thieving.

For the past month or so, Brook had cut down on the usual requests to take a gander under her skirt, and was instead spending his time collecting a hefty supply of her panties. Of course she was forced to steal them back once he had stolen so many, but it didn’t matter, as that damn skeleton would be stealing them right back the very next day. She had initially tried to give him a firm smack on the head in an attempt to make him stop, but to her surprise, it did absolutely nothing. 

Nami heaved a deep breath, gently twisting the doorknob in front of her. She glanced around and pushed through the door to the men’s sleeping quarters, promptly shutting it once she had entered. Brook had almost made it a custom to construct a pile of her undergarments and place them in a random spot around the boy’s room, and it was that time of the week to find it once again. 

She took a glance around the bunk beds, sifting through countless blankets and pillows in hopes of finding the damn pile. Her search was brought to a sudden halt at the sound of familiar laughter, however, coming from the nearby bathroom. Nami let out a sigh, immediately walking closer to the half open door across the room. 

“Brook, give me back my damn panties!” She called. “This shit is getting old!” 

Nami pushed past the door, immediately greeted with the sight of Brook seated on the floor, surrounded by a pile of her undergarments. Despite lacking any means of conveying actual emotion, his dark sockets widened and his jaw fell slack as she entered, giving one of the most comedic looks she had ever seen him give. 

She placed a hand on her hip, waiting patiently. 

“Oh, hello Nami-san!” He greeted, wiggling his bony fingers. 

“Brook.” She replied bluntly. 

“What?” 

“You know what, hand them over.”

“Can’t I keep one pair?” He begged. “I’ll be sure to return them soon enough, Nami-san.” 

“I didn’t let you have one before, and I’m not letting you have one now.” She replied, walking closer to pick them up. 

“Ah, confounded...” He muttered in a somewhat humorous tone.

“You know I’d prefer it if you didn’t steal this many, it gets pretty annoying having to hunt you down all the time.” 

“You’d let me steal at least one?” 

“Let me rephrase that.” She sighed. “I don’t want you stealing ANY.” 

“You torture this old pile of bones, Nami-san! Yohohohoho!” 

She leaned over to pick up the strewn about panties, cradling them in the crook of her arm. To her surprise Brook began to help, handing them over with no complaints. 

“You should start raiding Robin’s drawer instead of mine.” She joked. “It’d be nice to see her in my position for a change.” 

“I’m afraid I might invoke the wrath of Franky if I do that.” Brook chuckled, handing her a pair of yellow striped panties. 

“You know, I was always curious about your obsession with my underwear.” Nami replied, examining the pair in her hands. “What’s the big whoop?” 

The skeleton open and closed his mouth silently, leaving her question unanswered for a short moment. 

“I’m sure any man would love to get his hands on a pair of panties belonging to such a beautiful woman.” He said. 

Nami let out a snort, shaking her head with a smile as she gave him a light punch. “Shut it, you.” 

“To answer your question seriously though, I believe the desire sparks from my lack of any sexual encounter in over fifty years.” He sighed, scratching his skinless head. “Perhaps I’m just trying to feel something again?” 

She paused briefly, taking a moment to sit down on the tiled floor next to him. “I guess you have been missing out on that stuff for a while, huh? Being dead and all.” 

“Yohoho...I’m sorry for dragging you into my dilemma, Nami-san.” He replied. “I didn’t mean to give you so much trouble on account of my silly pursuits.” 

“No, I get it. Stuff like that’s important.” She said. “Gotta experience it if we wanna stay human and all.” 

“Perhaps it isn’t any use...tch! It seems my time as a spry young man are finally at an end, in that case.” 

He let out his signature laugh, and Nami couldn’t help but giggle along with the skeleton. She felt a twinge of pity for him despite the depravity of his actions, and supposed she might be in his position as well someday. She was only human after all. 

She gave the pile of panties in her arms a glance, and returned her gaze to Brook, who had started to hum softly to himself. Then, against her better judgement, the woman held out a pair to him.

“I know it’s stupid, but take it.” She sighed, a smirk crossing her lips. 

“Nami-san, are you sure?” He replied with genuine awe. “You’d give me...?”

“Don’t ruin it. All your talk of being sexually inept is bumming me out, and I’ve blessed you with something that could potentially save you.”

“That you have, my friend.” Brook replied. 

“This should at least keep you satisfied for a while, so don’t lose them.” She said, making her way towards the bathroom door. “And bring them back clean!” 

“Oh, you won’t have to worry about that, Nami-san. I’ll give them back as soon as possible.” He replied. “No harm shall come to this lovely pair!” 

“Better stop talking all poetic about underwear or I’ll be taking those back faster than anticipated, you perverted skeleton!” Nami called as she exited the boy’s sleeping quarters, closing the door behind her gently. 

The young woman made her way across the deck, practically bursting through the door of the hallway leading to her room, shuffling along to eventually reach the end of it. She threw open the door and eased over to her bed, finally dropping the pile of undergarments atop the silken sheets. Nami contemplated stowing them away in her drawer immediately, but a sudden burst of laziness overcame her, and she fell into her bed with a shrug. 

“I see you retrieved your property, navigator-san.” A familiar voice called from across the room, causing Nami to look back and see the amused face of Robin standing in the doorway. She held a cup of tea in her hand, along with a book tucked under her arm. 

“Yes, finally.” She replied, rolling over on her back to get a better look at her companion. “I’d say he’ll be back at it again tomorrow, though.” 

“I’m sure he’ll be satisfied for a while with that pair you gave him.” Robin mused, waltzing across the room to seat herself in a small chair in the corner. 

“How did you...?” Nami retorted, her words fading away as she noticed Robin give her usual smile. “You just gotta stick your nose where it don’t belong, huh?”

“No one else needs to know, navigator-san.” Robin replied. “I have nothing against you.” 

“I’d like to keep it that way.” 

“Though, might I inquire as to why you did it in the first place?” Robin asked, taking a sip of her tea. “As you know, I’m very curious.” 

“Honestly? I don’t really know. Guess all his talk of being a senile old man o wasn’t exactly the nicest thing to listen to.” 

“Out of pity, then?” 

“Probably.” 

A wave of confusion washed over Nami as the archeologist began to chuckle softly to herself, and she was left staring at her with a quirked eyebrow and squinted eyes. 

“What?” 

“Nothing, navigator-san.” 

“Robin, you sleaze!” 

“Your perverted thoughts, not mine.” 

“It was out of pity and nothing else!” 

“Mhm.” 

“Dammit, Robin!” 

~

Nami had always been a light sleeper, and this was only further proven when she was jerked from her slumber by a faint sound drifting through the silent air. Staring across the room with curiosity, she squinted, eyeing the peculiar shape that seemed to be shuffling around. She took a glance at Robin in the other bed, who was still fast asleep. Nami had no clue as to who this mysterious intruder was, but surely she could take him alone, right? 

Easing off the bed she snatched her Clima-Tact off of the side table, making not a single sound as she crept towards the figure. It didn’t take long before there wasn’t even a foot between the two, and in a sudden motion she brought her weapon down, slamming against the intruder’s skull with a crack that sounded beyond painful. He staggered forward for a moment, letting out a soft grunt. Eventually, he turned around, and Nami was met with the skinless face of Brook, illuminated by the moonlight shining through the window. Despite lacking the ability to show most expressions, she knew he was in enough pain from the comical scrunch of his eye sockets alone.

“Brook!” She whispered, dropping her Clima-Tact in surprise, but then immediately wincing at the loud clatter it produced. Surprisingly, Robin hadn’t woken up from all the commotion. 

The skeleton was dazed for a few moments, but he eventually regained his senses, quickly straightening his posture. 

“Oh, Nami-san, I’m sorry I startled you!” He replied, a soft wheeze escaping him. 

“I’m more concerned about you,” she huffed. “I just beat you over the head with my Clima-Tact!” 

“It’s quite alright.” He assured, patting a hand against his temple to check for cracks.

“Well, in any case, what are you doing here at this hour?” 

He held something out to her, and due to the lack of light she could only identify it as some sort of silken item. Once she took them, however, it was apparent that they were a pair of panties. 

“You’re stealing more?” She muttered. “What about that pair I gave you?” 

“Just here to return them.” 

Nami doubted his answer, but as she held the pair up in the moonlight his words were quickly proven to be true. She looked back at him with a quirked eyebrow, and he only replied with a nervous laugh. 

“Why are you giving them back?” 

“They, ah...didn’t do as much as I thought they would.” He mumbled in a tone far too somber for the situation. 

“You could have waited until tomorrow, y’know.” She giggled. 

“I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of everyone else.” 

“Brook, there isn’t one part of me that this crew hasn’t seen, so embarrassing me is something you could never do.” 

“Oh, I suppose that’s good.” He chuckled, rubbing his hands together nervously. 

He was definitely hiding something. 

“What’s up with you?” She asked. 

“It’s quite pointless. I’m sure you’ve no interest in hearing about it.” He replied, inching his way towards the open door of the bedroom. 

Nami stopped him dead in his tracks, pulling the skeleton back by his sleeve until he was forced to face her. He seemed to be shaking slightky. 

“However pointless it might be, I’m still going to listen to what’s on your mind.” She said, leading him to the end of the bed to seat him down. “So tell me what’s bothering you.” 

Skeleton hung his head down bashfully, and Nami couldn’t help but think about how much she enjoyed this more reserved side of him. It was almost cute, in a way. 

“I hate the night. It’s just so cold, and that isn’t exactly good for my bones.” He began. “Every night I’m freezing like an ice cube, and blankets don’t help me much.” 

She sat down next to him, leaning forward with piqued interest. 

“Being close to those who are alive help, though. It’s why I often sleep with Chopper.” 

Brook then scratched at his afro, shifting around awkwardly. 

“Tonight though, he was with Zoro, and I didn’t want to bother them so I thought that maybe you’d-“ 

“You...want to sleep with me tonight?” She finished, placing a hand on his bony shoulder. He looked back with a surprised expression, nodding slowly. 

“I know it sounds perverted, but I couldn’t ask anyone el-“ 

He was quickly silenced at the feeling of Nami’s arms wrapping around his thin frame, and she glanced up at him with a warm smile. 

“If I had known what you were going though every night I would have helped sooner. You should have told me.” 

He hesitantly brought his arms to wrap around her body, thoroughly enjoying the warmth radiating from her. Nami’s willingness to follow through with his request had surprised him, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. 

“Thank you, Nami-san.” 

“You don’t need to thank me at all.” She chuckled. “You shouldn’t have to go though that.” 

It wasn’t exactly subtle, and for an unknown reason Nami had tightened her grip around Brook, to which he could only reply with a boggled expression. He tried his best to keep from touching any unwanted parts, particularly her heaving chest. Of course the action contradicted his usual behavior, but now wasn’t exactly the time for that. Though he was finding it harder and harder to avoid that kind of contact as she continued to pull him closer, practically forcing his sternum against her breasts. Brook surely hoped that she wasn’t doing it on purpose as a cruel joke.

She noticed his nervous look and gave a gentle smile, resting her head against his collar bone. 

“It’s fine.” 

He paused, feeling the air escape from the lungs he didn’t even have. This certainly wasn’t like Nami. She was too nonchalant.

“I know you don’t think you’re human enough anymore,” she said. “But I can’t agree.” 

Slowly, she shifted her weight onto him even more, until eventually she was sitting in his lap. Brook felt a chill roll through his bones despite her warmth, looking down at the woman in disbelief. 

“N-nami-san...” he mumbled, panic present in his voice. “This is a little too...” 

He paused at the feeling of Nami’s palms cupping his head, watching her warily as she got even closer. The gentle touch of her soft breaths sent a tingling sensation across his skull, and for a moment he questioned if this was reality. 

“Just, hold on a sec.” She replied. 

“Wh-“ he attempted. 

At a painstaking pace Nami brought her lips to press against his nasal bone, keeping them there for a moment. Brook couldn’t quite understand it, but it seemed she couldn’t either. 

She pulled away and looked up at him. 

“Did you feel it?”

He let out an incoherent response. 

“Did you?” She repeated. 

“Yes.” he replied. 

She then pulled away, all before spotting another part of his skeletal form to experiment on. With a bit more eagerness this time around, she planted her supple lips firmly against his clavicle, which elicited an erratic shake from Brook. 

“Nami-san?” 

“Does it feel ok to you?” 

“It’s-“ 

She waited patiently, gazing into his dark sockets with wide eyes. 

“It feels nice.” 

In less than a few seconds Brook was being gently shoved back into the soft mattress. He could only lay there in disbelief, unable to move an inch. She placed her hands at his sternum, eyes filled with something he couldn’t quite place. 

“Nami, what are you...” He trailed off, his words becoming a blur in the sudden spark of pleasure that began to course through his bones at the feeling of her hips rocking against his pelvis. To say it was strange would be quite the understatement, but it quickly became apparent that the morality of the situation didn’t matter at this point. 

“You can feel me, right?” She asked in a hushed whisper. “Do you like it, Brook?”

Brook could only let out a soft grunt as a reply, making a weak attempt to match the pace of her hips. His inability to do so became extremely frustrating. He hadn’t done something like this in so long, but he should have been able to at least remember how to do it, right?

“I’m sorry...” he mumbled. “I won’t- I can’t be fulfilling to you.” 

In an instant, she stopped. For a moment he believed his comment had left her thoroughly disappointed at the idea of gaining nothing from this encounter, but soon enough Brook found he was sorely mistaken. With expert fingers, the cat burglar made quick work of his dress shirt, leaving the entirety of his rib cage exposed to her prying eyes and the cool air. He knew he shouldn’t have been embarrassed at being exposed to others anymore, but his bashfulness probably sparked from the fact that it was her looking down at him, and not anyone else.

“You don’t need to do any of that.” She replied, eyes wandering along his bones. “I’m just watching.” 

“There’s nothing to see.” He replied, spite hidden in his tone. 

Nami’s eyes widened as a gasp escaped her, and she placed a hand over her mouth. 

“Brook, I didn’t mean to-“ 

“You’re fine.” He replied, relaxing his head against the mattress. “I know you’re just curious.” 

He grabbed the ends of his shirt and pulled it open even wider, glancing down at his chest with a titled head. 

“I wasn’t exactly the most fit back then.” He joked. “Quite a frail thing.” 

Nami hesitantly placed a hand at his sternum, giggling softly. “I think you’re perfect.” She leaned down against Brook and nuzzled into his shoulder, a satisfied smile on her face. “Though your panty stealing is quite problematic.” 

Brook gave a nervous cough, and she looked up at him with a quirked eyebrow. 

“I’m sorry, again.” He said. 

“It’s fine,” She replied, giving the skeleton a tight hug. “Just ask next time.” 

There was a hint of smugness in her tone, and Brook couldn’t help but laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the physical embodiment of rarepair hell. 
> 
> Also yeah I’m alive??

**Author's Note:**

> Back on my self indulgent bullshit, along with my uncanny ability to devise the most crackhead-energy ridden ships. I could have chose to do literally anything else.


End file.
